Forward This!

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authenic cowboy boots and now living in Texas thought it the perfect time to buy a pair. Seeing some on sale he purchases the boots and wears them home.

Walking proudly, he saunders into the kitchen and asks his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looks him over and replies, “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert storms upstairs, undresses and walks back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots and again asks a little louder, “Margaret, notice anything different NOW!! ?”

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, “Bert what’s the difference? It’s been hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it will be hanging down again tomorrow!!?”

Furious, Bert yells, “And do you know why it’s hanging down?”

“No”, Margaret replied.

“It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!!!”, Bert replies with much anger.

Without changing her expression or missing a beat, Margaret tells Bert, “Shoulda bought a hat!”

“Loving you is like ripping a page off your favorite book!It wont be the same and it woudn’t be complete”

A broken heart is worse than a broken smile

The fact of the matter is he just wants to be the man she just cant live without….

He’s the only guy that’s ever made me feel pretty, when I’m looking my worst.

When you log out of my life it dosent mean you werent here

You were my favorite mistake

Hard love or love hard? get both for full love!

You touched my heart without even touching me…

Love’s like a race. You give up because your heart’s been broken so many times, not knowing you gave up right before

the finish line.

Sometimes there just arent enough tears to show how much i love you.

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unkowningly left her glasses on the table and didn’t realize it until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

To add insult to injury, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed, complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire drive back. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He didn’t let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card!”

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill.”

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.

“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house.” the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s d!ck off.”

The man takes another look through the scope and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”

Host: To what thing do you compare your pen!s?

Gay 1: Sleeping pill! never wakes up!

Gay 2: Rat! scared of pussies!

Gay 3: Dinosaur!

Host: Huh? Why?

Gay 3: It no longer exists!