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ORIGINAL QUOTE
if you love someone, set her free…
if she comes back, she’s yours.
if she doesn’t, it was never meant to be.

THE NEW VERSIONS…

Pessimist:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she ever comes back, she’s yours.
if she doesn’t, as expected, she never was.
whatever gave you the idea that she would anyway?

Optimist:
if you love someone, set her free…
don’t worry, she’ll come back.

Suspicious:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she doesn’t come back within a week, forget it.

Patient:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she doesn’t come back, put your life on hold and
sit and wait.

Playful:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she comes back, and if you love her still, set her
free again.
repeat if necessary.

Schwarzenegger’s fans:
if you love someone, set her free…
SHE’LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:
if you love someone, don’t set her free.

The Human Ecologist:
if you love someone, set her free…
in fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!

Lawyers:
if you love someone, set her free…
clause 1a of paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the
matrimonial freedom act clearly states that…

Bill Gates:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she comes back, we can charge her for re-
installation fees
and tell her that she’s also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist:
if you love someone, set her free…
she’ll evolve.

Statisticians:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she loves you, the probability of her coming back
is high.
if she doesn’t, your relation was improbable
anyway.

The FBI agent:
if you love someone, set her free…
then put bug on her phone and surveillance
cameras in her house.

The Pathetic:
if you love someone, set her free…
who wants to be stuck with a loser like you
anyway?

The Lawyer:
if you love someone, set her free…
then sue her for emotional distress.

The Psycho:
if you love someone, set her free…
if she doesn’t come back, shoot her.

The Creepy Sociopath:
if you love someone, stalk her.

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. The man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, “Bill, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

The blind man replied, “No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.”

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing eye dog. The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

Remember… things aren’t always as they appear.

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, “What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?” The young boy was apologetic. “Please, mister…please, I’m sorry but I didn’t know what else to do,” He pleaded. “I threw the brick because no one else would stop…” With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. “It’s my brother, “he said. “He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.”

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, “Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.”

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. “Thank you and may God bless you,” the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: “Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!” God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It’s our choice to listen or not.

The FINALISTS :

Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Japan

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman…..

(Applause!…. Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.

(Applause!… Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors and Heroes.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance and because it is buried alive.

(Applause!… Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves
QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door…..

(Applause!… Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night….

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Japan, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MISS JAPAN: It’s like an actor in a stage play….because it bows down after every performance.

(Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh…well, opcors, hihihihi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis…
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry… Its ano, ahh kuwan…it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm… Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS.PHILIPPINES : Ayy…Dyahe!!!!Hi hi hi hi hi hi…Kasi….I mean because it passes from mouth to mouth..

(STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl’s dress.

It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, “Hello.” The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a “hi”; after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, “Because, I’m different.”

I immediately said, “That you are!”; and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, “I know.”

“Little girl,” I said, “you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.”

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, “Really?”

“Yes, you’re like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people walking by.”

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said “I am.”

“I’m your Guardian Angel,” with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless — sure I was seeing things.

She said, “For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done”.

I got to my feet and said, “Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?”

She looked at me, smiled, and said, “You’re the only one that could see me,” and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you’re all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you. Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you’re glad they care about you.

Like the story says, we all need someone…

And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way. The value of a friend is measured in the heart. I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.