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YOU ARE THE… apple of my eye, mango of my pie, palaman of my tinapay, keso of my monay, teeth of my suklay, fingers on my kamay, blood in my atay, bubbles of my laway, sala of my bahay.

YOU ARE THE… seeds of my palay, clothes in my ukay-ukay, calcium in my kalansay, calamansi on my siomai, inay of my tatay, knot on my tie, toyo on my kuchay, vitamins in my gulay, airplane of my Cathay.

YOU ARE THE… stars of my sky, hammer of my panday, sand of my Boracay, sultan of my Brunei, highlands of my Tagaytay, mole on my Ate Guy, baba of my Ai-Ai, voice of my Inday Garutay.

YOU ARE THE… spinach of my Popeye, sizzle when I fry, wind when I paypay, tungkod when I’m pilay, feeling when I’m high, shoulder when I cry, wings when I fly, prize when I vie, cure to my “ARAY!”, answer to my “WHY?”, foundation of my tulay, truth behind the lie, the life after I die…

In short, you’re the center of my buhay.

20. “That’s weird…”

19. “It’s never done that before.”

18. “It worked yesterday.”

17. “How is that possible?”

16. “It must be a hardware problem.”

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Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father’s wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad.

And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother to the widow’s grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father’s wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter’s son. My wife is now my mother’s mother And it makes me blue.

Because, although she is my wife, She’s my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!!

A crowded Virgin Airlines flight at Sydney was cancelled after Virgin’s 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS”.

The attendant replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these people first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

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Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others

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