Forward This!

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
“What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe.
“I want to get weighed,” she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
“I want to get weighed,” she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight,
and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
“I want to get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”

Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

A few years ago a group of salesmen went to a regional sales convention in Chicago . They had assured their wives that they would be home in plenty of time for Friday night’s dinner. In their rush, with tickets and briefcases, one of these salesmen inadvertently kicked over a table which held a display of apples. Apples flew everywhere. Without stopping or looking back, they all managed to reach the plane in time for their nearly missed boarding.

ALL BUT ONE !!! He paused, took a deep breath, got in touch with his feelings, and experienced a twinge of compassion for the girl whose apple stand had been overturned.

He told his buddies to go on without him, waved good-bye, told one of them to call his wife when they arrived at their home destination and explain his taking a later flight. Then he returned to the terminal where the apples were all over the terminal floor.

He was glad he did.

The 16-year-old girl was totally blind! She was softly crying, tears running down her cheeks in frustration, and at the same time helplessly groping for her spilled produce as the crowd swirled about her, no one stopping and no one to care for her plight.

The salesman knelt on the floor with her, gathered up the apples, put them back on the table and helped organize her display As he did this, he noticed that many of them had become battered and bruised; these he set aside in another basket.

When he had finished, he pulled out his wallet and said to the girl, ‘Here, please take this $40 for the damage we did. Are you okay?’ She nodded through her tears.. He continued on with, ‘I hope we didn’t spoil your day too badly.’

As the salesman started to walk away, the bewildered blind girl called out to him, ‘Mister. …’ He paused and turned to look back into those blind eyes. She continued, ‘Are you Jesus?’

He stopped in mid-stride, and he wondered. Then slowly he made his way to catch the later flight with that question burning and bouncing about in his soul: ‘Are you Jesus?’ Do people mistake you for Jesus? That’s our destiny, is it not? To be so much like Jesus that people cannot tell the difference as we live and interact with a world that is blind to His love, life and grace.

If we claim to know Him, we should live, walk and act as He would. Knowing Him is more than simply quoting Scripture and going to church. It’s actually living the Word as life unfolds day to day.

You are the apple of His eye even though we, too, have been bruised by a fall. He stopped what He was doing and picked you and me up on a hill called Calvary and paid in full for our damaged fruit.

The Duck & the Devil
Message: There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma’s pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved! In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing After lunch the next day Grandma said, “Sally, let’s wash the dishes”

But Sally said, “Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.” Then she whispered to him, “Remember the duck?” So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, “I’m sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.”

Sally just smiled and said, “Well that’s all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help” She whispered again, “Remember the duck?” So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally’s; he finally couldn’t stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, “Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.”

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?

Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done… and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.)…whatever it is…You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing. He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven.

He’s just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?

Michael said, ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’

The teacher responded by saying, ‘That would be rude and impolite.’

What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?

Sherman said, ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.

That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Stevie, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?

I would say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.

AÂ man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.

The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was $250.

“$250″, the man said. “Well what does he do?

“He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. “He can do all of
your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.”

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied, $500, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.

The clerk replied, “$1,000.”

Curious as to how a bird can cost $1,000, the man asked what this bird’s specialty was.

The clerk replies, “Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything.

But the other two call him “BOSS”!!