Forward This!

It Is Better To Be Alone Than In The Wrong Company
If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl.
But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.
A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.
The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad.
The less you associate with negative people, the more your life will improve.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.
An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.
As you grow, your associates will change.
Some of your friends will not want you to go on.
They will want you to stay where they are.
Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl.
Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream.
Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider This:

Never receive counsel from unproductive people.
Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how.
Not everyone has a right to speak in your life.
You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.
Don’t follow anyone who’s not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening; with others you invest it.
Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.
Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships.

Happy moments, Praise God!
Difficult moments, Seek God!
Quiet moments, Worship God!
Painful moments, Trust God!
Every moment, Thank God!
Choose to rise…Don’t settle…and go for your dreams!!!

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year…

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program… Not to mention the Cell Phone from Ericsson or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa has granted my every wish. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I can no longer buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. And thanks to your great advice, I can’t even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin.

By the way… a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

Happy New Year to All!

Nag-aaral si Pedro sa La Salle. Ang dami nyang kaklaseng Intsik. Apelyidong Uy, Lim, Tan, Co, Go, Chua, Chi, Sy, Wy, at kung anu-ano pa.  Pero sa kanilang lahat kay Gilbert Go ako naging malapit. Mayaman si Gilbert kaya mangyari pa, madalas siya ang taya sa tuwing gigimik ang barkada.

Isang araw na-ospital ang ama ni Gilbert. Sinamahan siya ni Pedo na dumalaw. Nasa ICU na noon ang ama ni Gilbert dahil sa stroke. Naroon din ang ilan sa kanilang malalapit na kamag-anak. Nag-usap sila. Intsik ang kanilang usapan…. hindi sila maintindihan ni Pedro. Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong usap-usap, nagkayayaan nang umuwi.  Naiwan si Pedro at napakiusapang bantayan ang pasyente habang inihahatid ni Gilbert ang kanyang mga kamag-anak palabas ng ospital. Lumipat si Pedro sa gawing kaliwa ng kama ng pasyente para ilapag ang mga iniwan nilang mga gamit na kakailanganin ng magbabantay sa ospital. Nang akmang ilalapag na ni Pedro ang mga gamit ay biglang nangisay ang matanda.

Hinahabol nya ang kanyang hininga… Kinuyom nya ang kanyang palad at paulit-ulit siyang nagsalita ng wikang intsik na hindi naman ni Pedro maintindihan. “Di ta guae yong khee”….. “Di ta guae yong khee”… “Di ta guae yong khee”.. paulit-ulit nya itong binigkas bago siya malagutan ng hininga.

Pagbalik ni Gilbert ay patay na ang kanyang ama.  Ikinagulat nya ang pangyayari ngunit marahil ay tanggap na rin nya na papanaw na ang
kanyang ama. Walang tinig na namutawi sa kanyang bibig. Ngunit iyon na yata ang pinakamasidhing niyang pagluha. Nagpa-alam muna si Pedro, dahil siguradong magdadatingin uli ang mga kamag-anak ni Gilbert. Sumakay sya ng taksi pauwi. Habang nasa taksi.. tinawagan nya ang iba pa nilang kabarkada. Una nyang tinawagan si Noel Chua. Dahil marunong si Noel mag-intsik, tinanong nya muna kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng “Di ta guae yong khee”.

“Huwag mong apakan ang oxygen. “… “Bakit saan mo ba narinig ‘yan?”.

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
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Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
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Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
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Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
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Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
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Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
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Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
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Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
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Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
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Defense Attorney: Why not?
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Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
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Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
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Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
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Defense Attorney: Why not?
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Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
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Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
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Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
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Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I’ll figure out the job will run about $900:Â $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

The Filipino contractor does not measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers:Â “$2,700.”

The White House official, incredulous says, “What? You did not even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid.”

“Easy”, the Pinoy explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico”.

The next day the Pinoy got the contract.