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May 3 hunters na nahuli ng mga cannibals sa gubat. Dinala sila sa harap ng tribal chief para siya ang pupugot ng ulo. Nagmakaawa yung mga hunters at naawa naman yung chief.

Chief: Sige hindi namin kayo papatayin, sa isang kondisyon. kailangan isa-isa kayong mangolekta ng 10 pirasong prutas. dalhin nyo iyon dito at saka ko sasabihin ang sunod nyong gagawin.

Naghiwa-hiwalay ang tatlong magkakaibigan. Unang dumating si Pedro, dala-dala’y 10 oranges.

Chief: Ngayon, ipasok mo ang lahat ng mga prutas na iyan sa iyong puwet.Kailangan ay hindi magbabago ang mukha mo. Konting ngiwi o ngiti lang ay pupugutan ka agad namin ng ulo.

Unang orange pa lang ang pinapasok ay napa-sigaw agad si Pedro. Agad siyang pinugutan ng ulo.

Sunod na dumating ay si Juan, dala-dala’y 10 lansones. Tuwang-tuwa siya ng in-explain sa kanya nung Chief kung ano ang kailangan nyang gawin.

Juan: sus! sisiw lang pala. kayang-kaya! buti na lang maliit na prutas ang kinolekta ko.

Naipasok nga ni Juan ang mga lansones sa kanyang puwit ng walang problema. Ngunit nung nasa pang-10 prutas na siya, bigla siyang napatawa.Pugot-ulo agad ni Chief.

Pagkamatay ay napunta agad si Juan sa langit kung saan nakita niya si Pedro. Nagkausap ang dalawa.

Pedro: Sayang Juan! pinapanood kita dito sa langit habang ginagawa mo yung utos.Isang lansones na lang hindi mo pa tiniis! Buhay ka pa sana ngayon.Ano bang nangyari sayo?

Juan: Pare, ang dali-dali ngang ipasok nung mga lansones.Kaso, nung matatapos na ako bigla kong nakita si pareng Jose — may dala-dalang 10 langka!

When a guy calls you he wants to be with you.

When a guy is quiet, He’s listening to you…

When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he’s wrong.

When a guy says, “I’m fine, ” after a few minutes, he means it.

When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do?

When you’re laying your head on a guy’s chest he has the world.

When a guy calls you everyday he is in love.

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you he means it.

When a guy says he can’t live without you he’s with you till your done.

When a guy says, “I miss you, ” he misses you more than you could have ever missed him or anything else.

When you break a girls heart, she still feels it when you run into each other 3 years later.

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.

When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers, “I’m fine, ” after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are so wonderful.

When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a girl says that she can’t live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a girl says, “I miss you, ” no one in this world can miss you more than that

When a girl is mean to you after a breakup she wants you back, but she’s scared she’ll get hurt and knows your gone forever

A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy’s hands into a pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital. Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy’s hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, “Daddy, I’m sorry about your truck.” Then he asked, “but when are my fingers going to grow back?” The father went home and committed suicide.

Think about the story the next time you see someone spilled milk at a dinner table or hear a baby cry. Think first before you lose your patience and become angry with someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt feelings often cannot. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever. Pause and ponder. Think before you act. Be patient.

Always remember: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY, BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE CRUEL… UNDERSTAND AND LOVE.

(Taken from The Philippine Star (a newspaper in the Philippines), written by Boo Chanco)

A 70-year old ‘lolo’ from the province was accompaniedby a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview.

The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.

“Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?” The grandson translated
“Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon.”
“He said he wants to see his children there.”

Fair enough, that’s what the lolo’s application indicated.

The Consul had another question. “Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can’t his children just come and visit him here?” The grandson translated this in Tagalog. Lolo replied: “Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay.”
(Translation: “Tell him, my children were born here. They’ve seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.”)

The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application “because the applicant was unable to speak any word of
English.”

“Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles.”

The lolo was equally unimpressed. “Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko: “Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog!?”

Translated, “He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here… you do not know how to speak in Tagalog!?”

Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo’s visa application in pronto.