A 70-year old ‘lolo’ from the province was accompaniedby a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview.

The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.

“Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?” The grandson translated
“Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon.”
“He said he wants to see his children there.”

Fair enough, that’s what the lolo’s application indicated.

The Consul had another question. “Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can’t his children just come and visit him here?” The grandson translated this in Tagalog. Lolo replied: “Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay.”
(Translation: “Tell him, my children were born here. They’ve seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.”)

The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application “because the applicant was unable to speak any word of
English.”

“Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles.”

The lolo was equally unimpressed. “Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko: “Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog!?”

Translated, “He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here… you do not know how to speak in Tagalog!?”

Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo’s visa application in pronto.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know of?”

Acknowledging Dave, the American on his right, the man replied, “A THOUGHT”.

It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of.” “That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

“And now you sir?” he asked Vladimir, the Russian. “Hmm…. let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.” “Excellent!” said the interviewer. “The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliche for speed.”

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply. “Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.”

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light” he said. Turning to Eleuterio, the Filipino, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Eleuterio replied, ” Apter herring da 3 frevyos ansers sirrr, et’s obyus to me dat the fastest thang known is Diarrhea.”

“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. “O I can expleyn serrr .” said Eleuterio . ” YOU SEE SERR, DA other day I wasn’t Peeeling so good and I run soo fast to the CR, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, ay ‘tang ina, I already had a big tae in my pants.

Eleuterio is now the new “Senior Lead Engineer” at CISCO.

1.) You have scars on your knees and elbows
2.) You owned a bike
3.) You had a barkada around your neighborhood (all of you had bikes)
4.) You loved climbing on your house’s roof (and your neighbor’s roof as well)
5.) You went inside an abandoned house in your neighborhood just to it looks like inside
6.) You ate all the aratilis in your neighborhood
7.) You plucked all the Gumamelas in the area for soap bubbles
8.) Your parents forced you to take afternoon siestas with the threat that you will not be allowed to play outside.
9.) You are never found in your house in the afternoon. You are often found playing in the street with your neighborhood friends.
10.) You loved exploring vacant lots for hidden knick-knacks
11.) You just can’t resist jumping in a sand pile
12.) You know all the street games (Patintero, Agawan-base, Langit-lupa, etc.)
13.) You owned a family computer
14.) Your hand-to-eye coordination is terrific due to family computer
15.) You’d rather go outdoors in the afternoon than play family computer

16.) You gleefully boast that games today are so easy because of the character’s life bar (remember when we used to play Mario? we died the minute a goomba hit us)
17.) You know this code by heart UP-UP-DOWN-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-LEFT-RIGHT-B-A-B-A-START (select-start for 2 players)
18.) You owned a superhero costume (especially a superman costume)
19.) For the girls: You dressed up like Punky Brewster, Madonna and Debbie Gibson; For the boys: You dressed up like David Hasselhoff’s knight rider, David Bowie or had Clarke Kent’s little bangs. And now you think that the 80′s had the suckiest dress sense.
20.) You had a denim jacket
21.) You had a sticker book especially that Age of Dinosaurs sticker book.
22.) You were addicted to rainbow brite, carebears, my little pony, thundercats, bioman, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos, etc.
23.) You played pc games like tapper, moonbugs, alley cat and prince of persia.
24.) Ms. Word did not exist in your vocabulary but Wordstar did!
25.) You love 80′s music even if you don’t want to admit it.
26.) You’ve climbed up mango trees to catch salagubang, tie a string around its neck and let it fly around in frenzy
27.) You’ve spent hours in the afternoon catching tutubi…yellow-green red being a rare breed
28.) You used to take Flinstones vitamins (which you didn’t mind ’cause it was yummy) and Cod liver oil
29.) You know the cartoon show, Beverly Hills Teens
30.) You know Kuya Bodgie from Batibot