Forward This!

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
“What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe.
“I want to get weighed,” she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
“I want to get weighed,” she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight,
and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
“I want to get weighed,” she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early,
dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, “How’d it go?”

Kim responded, “Oh, Waura, it was wousy.”

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window.

The young man lowers his window. “Uh, yes, officer?”

The cop says, “What are you doing?”

The young man says, “Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.”

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says,”And her, what is she doing?”

The young man shrugs, “Sir, I believe she’s knitting a pullover sweater.”

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover’s lane….and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks, “What’s your age, young man?”

The young man says, “I’m 22, sir.”

The cop asks, “And her what’s her age?”

The young man looks at his watch and replies, “She’ll be 18 in 11 minutes..”

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. “There’s a car being towed from the parking lot,” he said. “An ambulance just drove by.” A few minutes passed.

“Looks like the Andersons have company,” he called out, “Matt’s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex.”

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. “How do you know that?” The startled father asked.

“Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,” his son replied.

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authenic cowboy boots and now living in Texas thought it the perfect time to buy a pair. Seeing some on sale he purchases the boots and wears them home.

Walking proudly, he saunders into the kitchen and asks his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looks him over and replies, “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert storms upstairs, undresses and walks back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots and again asks a little louder, “Margaret, notice anything different NOW!! ?”

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, “Bert what’s the difference? It’s been hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it will be hanging down again tomorrow!!?”

Furious, Bert yells, “And do you know why it’s hanging down?”

“No”, Margaret replied.

“It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!!!”, Bert replies with much anger.

Without changing her expression or missing a beat, Margaret tells Bert, “Shoulda bought a hat!”

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill.”

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.

“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house.” the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s d!ck off.”

The man takes another look through the scope and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!”