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Kids in School Thinks Quick

DarkBlak — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:36:59 +0000

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER : No, that’s wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it’s H to O!

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with “I.”
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, “I am.”
MILLIE : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.”

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn’t punish him?”
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as
your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it’s the same dog!;

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Little Old Lady

DarkBlak — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 22:28:04 +0000

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
�
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
�
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
�
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
�
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
�
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
�
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
�
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
�
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
�
Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
�
Defense Attorney: Why not?
�
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
�
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
�
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
�
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
�
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
�
Defense Attorney: Why not?
�
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
�
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
�
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
�
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
�
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.

The Contractor

DarkBlak — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 20:04:52 +0000

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence. One from the Philippines, another from Mexico and an American. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well”, he says, “I’ll figure out the job will run about $900:� $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.

The Filipino contractor does not measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers:� “$2,700.”

The White House official, incredulous says, “What? You did not even measure like the other guys!� How did you come up with such a high figure?� How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid.”

“Easy”, the Pinoy explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico”.

The next day the Pinoy got the contract.