Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
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Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
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Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
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Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
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Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
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Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
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Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
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Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
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Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
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Defense Attorney: Why not?
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Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
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Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
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Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
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Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
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Defense Attorney: Why not?
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Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
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Defense Attorney: What happened next?
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Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
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Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
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Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard.
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It’s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don’t need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10.. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.